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 15/6/2021

a weeks before final examination. I feel darker day by day. Is that normal? idk

felts like my heart have no feelings anymore. I feel the disconnection between me and people. Even with my family members. I feels nothing about any tragedy, issues, idk. I feel tired and exausted. So i let them dissappeared from my hearts, so that my brain wont process it anymore.

Everytime, i did my prayer, i have a lot of things to tell HIM, but my mouth are too tired to arrange word by word. Feels like i have no energy to to tell HIM what i feels and whats wrong with me.

I tried so hard for not cying about anything, and everything. Crying make me weaker, so i choose to save whatever i feels, deep in my heart, and it will dissappear. 

Idk, i wish i didnt exist. Why allah let me exist? i didnt achieve anything in this world. Im not as successful as others. Im tired when people say stop comparing yourself with others. Of course im comparing. Whenever i see a girl, so much beautiful than me, at my aged, of course i want to be so. Whenever i see, a people, at my aged, having more money than me, why i didnt get the opportunity as what they get ? to make money too? why the world is so frustrating and unfair. 



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