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Life Is Full with Suprise.

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  I still remember a decade ago, i was 12 year old. A 12 year old me was so addicted with social media names facebook. At first my brother and i doesnt have any facebook account. But out of nowhere, my cousin came to my grandma house and open the fb account for us. Everyday past by, i was struggle with my addiction to facebook, i dont know why. However, i love a 12 year old me, it is because it was a year where i found myself, i know what i want, i started setting a goals and so on. I was never care about love and so on. In Malaysia, a 12 year old students are in standard 6 where we need to sit for a big examination to help us to qualify ourself to a good and quality school such as boarding school, mrsm and so on. Everyday, during i am 12 years old, i will comeback home from school at 3 or 3.30 pm something because we need to attend for our additional class, we will give an extra task or question by the teachers. I learn mathematics, science, bahasa melayu. and english as well as agama
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 15/6/2021 a weeks before final examination. I feel darker day by day. Is that normal? idk felts like my heart have no feelings anymore. I feel the disconnection between me and people. Even with my family members. I feels nothing about any tragedy, issues, idk. I feel tired and exausted. So i let them dissappeared from my hearts, so that my brain wont process it anymore. Everytime, i did my prayer, i have a lot of things to tell HIM, but my mouth are too tired to arrange word by word. Feels like i have no energy to to tell HIM what i feels and whats wrong with me. I tried so hard for not cying about anything, and everything. Crying make me weaker, so i choose to save whatever i feels, deep in my heart, and it will dissappear.  Idk, i wish i didnt exist. Why allah let me exist? i didnt achieve anything in this world. Im not as successful as others. Im tired when people say stop comparing yourself with others. Of course im comparing. Whenever i see a girl, so much beautiful than me, at m
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Personal opinion

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  I have this one girlfriend, she told me that she has diagnose with mild something about mental health. She always told me that she needs to struggle to make someone likes her back or want to be her friends or stay with her, so she struggle for it, she did a lot of things to make people stay with her, but she keep complaining that she don't have supporters, she don't have friends, that is what she think.  But in my personal thought, it was just her over thinking which hit her hard. It is because during her birthday, she got a lot of surprise from her friends, cake, present, surprise  and so much more. Meanwhile, I don't even get one during my birthday😂😢. Maybe she is not a thankful person or somewhat. 
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Self struggle ;)

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  Self Struggle Today is April 4 of 2021, week 5 for my second semester. Even though it's already in week 5, I'm still weak, lazy, have no motivation to start study. Despite my loaded work, I make time to write on what I've been thinking, my overthinking, my insecurity hit me hard. In my opinion, my first semester is easier than my second semester. It is because, since I am in online learning, when my first semester, we don't know each other well yet. I'm not sure if anyone else feels the same, but anywhere we go, there must have people that I feel I can't with he/she, I mean personality clash maybe. I don't know.  Honestly, I am struggling with myself, with my mind, with my heart and not the people around me. Typically, fr this latest semester, I know my classmates more, I know my lecturer more, and then I also know and feel with those that my personality can't goes with or easier, I feel not comfortable and a people who make me feel that I'm bad. H
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Frustration  
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               My Heart Along A Year Journey In College Salam well,the reason i made up my mind to write about this was because,im gonna start the new beginning,in just a few days,which is a big journey that will define who i am in the future.Yea,all of us takkan pernah dapat lari dari cerita masa lalu.Im never gave up on my present ,it was because there  a lot of sweet memories,tears,hardwork,bad memories,people i met and a lot more,that defined who am i today. Sincerely,i've wasted  a lot of opportunities,especially when i was 16 years old.OMG i want my 16year old me so bad.A lot of things that i have to mend.i believed that,if im seize the opportunity well i can even study abroad,having scholarship,Im not like nak cakap besar,but i know who i am.But,a 16years old me terlalu naive. I teach my self,for not regret too much,and believed that everything happen for a reason. Seriously,continued my study in Perlis matriculation College was not in my plan,maybe allah perkenan kan my doa
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                     Since nobody could find my blog,i've made desicion to post all about my heart here. i've been at home for almost 7months.Finally,i am going back to college this October,my heart feel so happy but there is also fear.Is that okay?am i able to handle my degree life?how about the friends?.Sometimes starting a new journey is the most hurt things ever.Yea,things takes time. During this new norm,I've learn a lot about life,handling family,cook,home cleaning,time with the creature,time for myself and a lot more.It help me a lot in growing myself.I have so much flaws,time by time,i finally could handle my flaws eventhough still not 100percent okay.                    At this aged,i've learned a lot about loving myself first!when you able to love yourself,gave a respect,gave a time,gave as best as you could for yourself,then you have no hidrance of loving others,love your parents,love your siblings,love your friends,and all.Dress as best as you can.Put a make
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